Don’t believe the client

How to create a breakthrough at will

During the first few months of my coaching training, I saw my Mentor Coaches do things that looked like wizardry.

I was in awe.

One minute the client was stuck. Talking in loops, repeating the same story, and reinforcing their own narrative. The next moment, their perspective had shifted, their body relaxed, they had a twinkle in their eye and couldn’t stop talking about exciting new plans and possibilities.

My mentors consistently created breakthroughs in their conversations and it felt like black magic.

Today, I know how to do that myself.

And there’s no magic involved.

Your breakthrough rate

Coaches live and die by their ability to help clients achieve breakthroughs.

As more business gets done remotely, those skills are now being harnessed by creators, knowledge workers, consultants, and educators, to seriously level up their game.

And no wonder.

When the value you bring to your customers hinges on Zoom calls (whether in groups or one-on-one), what sets you apart is to help them genuinely improve their lives.

Surface level assistance isn't enough. They're paying you to help them level up and how you interact with them is a make or break thing.

Think back to some of your best sessions.

You were on fire, fully present in the moment, effortlessly connecting with people. The energy was high, the discussion was lively, and the session ended on a high note.

But why is one session engaging and memorable while the next one is mediocre at best?

If these ‘jackpot’ sessions feel inconsistent, random, and unpredictable to you, most likely, it’s because you’re not effective at delivering a breakthrough at will.

Yet.

Breakthroughs are nothing special

Believe it or not, delivering a breakthrough is predictable, trainable, and has nothing to do with special powers (at least, not in the supernatural sense of the word, but they are special powers indeed).

It’s about simply making use of human psychology and the link between thinking and talking.

Consider this.

When you ask people how they're doing, they usually start talking right away.

When they do, realize that they're not trying to answer you yet. They're actually working out the answer in real time for themselves first.

Nobody thinks and speaks in fully composed speeches, detailed breakdowns, or polished elevator pitches. Instead, we gather our thoughts and articulate them by talking out loud to someone.

We start with the superficial, top-of-mind stuff, hoping to get deeper as we talk: "I’m alright, work is a bit hectic though, oh and I’ve been feeling unusually tired.”

The first story is never the thing that's actually important. The dots aren’t yet connected. People need to go through layers and layers of the onion, before they even know what they’re really talking about.

There's always something underneath that they're trying to get to (by talking to you).

Helping them get there is what a breakthrough is about.

Don’t believe it

The same applies to your Zoom calls. People take a minute to figure out what they’re actually feeling and thinking.

As their session leader and primary conversation partner, your role is to help them sift through their thoughts and reach deeper insights. Don’t latch onto the first thing they say and charge ahead as if it’s the whole story. You would be missing a massive opportunity to steer them towards a breakthrough.

In coaching, we have a saying that nicely sums this up: 'Don't believe the client'.

It’s a cheeky way of saying: Challenge what people say (question their narratives, beliefs, and assumptions), because taking what they say at face value won’t benefit them.

Encouraging people to uncover what’s underneath their initial statement is how you unlock their growth and boost their self-awareness.

In any session.

Ready to create some breakthroughs?

Here are four practical steps you can implement in your upcoming sessions.

Step 1: Listen fully

This is not really a step but more of an attitude, a state of mind. It’s how you go into the session or conversation.

Make sure you prime yourself to listen deeply to people. Not just to what they say, but to how they say it. Notice their body language. What are they not saying? Read between the lines, use your intuition.

Step 2: Drill down

While the answer to the first question might not be the most important, with some careful prodding, it can lead to the thing that is important.

It's all about the 2nd and the 3rd question. Take your time going down the layers. Feel free to improvise but here are some question ideas:

• ‘What do you mean by…?’

• ‘What’s important about…?’

• ‘What do you think is causing…?’

Until you hit upon something, like a shovel hitting a treasure chest.

Step 3: Circle back

Further down in the conversation, the small things are usually the big things. Seemingly small, off-hand comments are key to pick up on. That's where the gold is.

Step 4: Notice the change

How do you know you're there?

If you're really listening (and watching). You'll feel it, and they will too. Their posture, their breath, their gaze, something will change.

If you pay attention, you'll notice.

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When you choose to ‘not believe’ the initial story people present and help them break through to deeper layers, they will leave your sessions with greater clarity and more progress than before.

You’ll be a catalyst for their growth, and you don’t need to go shopping for a wand anytime soon.