How to stop harming your relationships

Bringing professional integrity into everyday conversations

Rooted in the Hippocratic Oath, written over 2,400 years ago, the principle of 'first, do no harm' has guided physicians for centuries.

Nowadays, its relevance extends far beyond the confines of healthcare, serving as a crucial guideline in fields such as therapy, legal professions, and even coaching.

But this principle isn't (or shouldn’t be) limited to these professional domains.

We have tons of conversations and interactions everyday, and while we may not wield scalpels, our words can cut just as deeply.

How coaches handle it

I vividly recall the training sessions on mental health, ethics, and confidentiality during my coach training.

As coaches, we take these principles very seriously, recognizing that we have to carefully consider the potential impact of our words and actions.

A significant part of my training was dedicated to learning how to assess our clients' mental health and, when necessary, refer them to a therapist or other professional.

We also engaged in wide-ranging discussions on ethics, including how to handle situations that might exceed our scope of practice (like being asked for psychological diagnoses), how to manage sensitive information responsibly, and the importance of maintaining professional boundaries to ensure we do no harm.

While it might seem obvious that coaches shouldn't diagnose mental health issues, in practice, clients often seek advice or guidance that borders on these areas, making it easy to unintentionally cross boundaries.

For example, offering unsolicited advice on mental health issues could easily cause harm by leading someone down the wrong path—or no path at all, if issues are left unaddressed.

On the other hand, listening carefully and empathetically (something a coach is uniquely suited to) and referring them to the appropriate professional does truly protect their well-being.

Through my training, I recognized the profound influence our conversations can have, for better or worse. Not only in a coaching relationship but also in daily interactions.

Applying this same level of care in communication is crucial for protecting and strengthening your relationships.

Channel your inner coach

While having the freedom to express ourselves is essential, it's equally important to recognize the impact our words can have on others in everyday interactions.

As social beings, we need meaningful, positive interactions. To be someone people not only value but also genuinely enjoy being around, it’s important to consider how our words and communication affect them.

By adopting a mindful approach to communication—treating our interactions with the same care and professionalism as a coach or therapist—we can enhance our relationships and enrich our lives.

For example:

When a friend shares a personal issue and you respond with, ‘Yes, I know; you’ve told me about this already’, it can make them feel as though their concerns are being dismissed. This response can drastically reduce their willingness to confide in you in the future.

If reactions like this become a pattern, over time, this can lead to a downward spiral where the friend feels increasingly unsupported and misunderstood, potentially resulting in the deterioration or even the end of the relationship.

I know this from experience. I used to be that dismissive friend—more focused on my own thoughts than on what was shared with me (and why). As a result, I’ve lost more than one friend, mistakenly believing we had simply grown apart.

It wasn't until I discovered coaching that I realized I (and the way I communicated) might have played a role…

A coaching approach to the same scenario would be: ‘I’ve heard you mention this a few times now. What’s really going on for you with this?’ This encourages deeper exploration and demonstrates a genuine desire to understand, while still remaining authentic.

By adopting a mindful (or coaching) approach, we can build stronger, more supportive relationships and communicate in ways that nurture rather than harm.

Professional integrity

What if we approached our relationships with the same caution and care that a doctor brings to the operating table?

By approaching your relationships with this mindful attitude, you’re not just avoiding harm; you’re actively enhancing the quality of your connections. 

You don’t need to be a professional coach to be mindful of what you say—just a little thoughtful care goes a long way.

Just like the Hippocratic Oath reminds doctors to ‘do no harm’, think of it as your personal guideline for conversations.

No scalpels required.