Jordan Peterson is my father

The thirty-first newsletter is about role models

Luckily, I hit rock bottom.

At my lowest point, I was in bad shape. I was physically and mentally unwell. I had no friends, no relationship, and no direction.

I was lost.

I took a long time to grow up. I’m not even fully sure I’m grown up now. I’ve had to slowly piece together what adulthood means over the years and still am.

Up until deep into my 30’s I’ve had this feeling that things weren’t ‘up to me.’ That I didn’t have a significant role of importance to play in the world. Life just happened to me, instead of for me or through me.

I also clearly remember hoping that ‘everything would work out for me’. A weak, scared, and powerless mindset that kept me feeling small, fragile and whiny.

On the other hand, this was also a relief. Yes, I was powerless but I also didn’t have to do anything, let alone work hard. I mean, what use would it have anyway? I couldn’t change anything significant. And why do hard work if you don’t have to?

This nonexistent work ethic was reinforced by what I saw and heard around me. 

I grew up in a rich, Western county, during the ‘excessive’ 90’s where the sky seemed to be the limit, economically speaking.

My whole life I had heard the following stories: you are smart, you have a lot of potential, you can do everything you want. Everybody in my circle confirmed these stories. My parents, teachers, extended family, friends, even colleagues and bosses. 

Not once had I heard anyone speak about how to build a meaningful life, or the profound benefits of picking up responsibility for your life.

Until I was found.

Message of meaning

I don’t remember how exactly I came across Jordan Peterson, but I know it didn’t take much for me to clearly receive his message. The student was ready.

Assuming responsibility for your life will provide resilience against life’s inherent suffering and will lead to a life of meaning and fulfillment.

It hit me exactly where it hurt, and I instantly knew he was right.

I knew from my own experience that choosing ‘the easy way’ was actually not that easy. My former strategy of avoidance, dependance, and self-pity was not doing me any good.

Before hearing Peterson explain this so clearly (in a non-finger-wagging way), I had never put two and two together. This was the first time I realized that doing hard, difficult things was actually a better option than hoping ‘things would just work out.’ Maybe not a magical solution to my problems, but a way of bearing them.

The hard way is the easy way.

As soon as I understood this a new kind of resolve came over me.

I started making lifestyle choices that supported my health, I started developing my skills, I started building good habits and quitting bad ones.

I finally started growing up.

Role models and father figures

My first role model was my father. As for so many boys, he was my only hero for a long time.

But fathers are not complete, and they don’t have to be. Neither is Jordan Peterson, and he doesn’t have to be either. We emulate the parts we admire in our heroes.

Role models change throughout our lives, depending on where we are at. We’re continuously growing as people so we constantly need new ones that fit our current personality and struggles.

It takes a village to raise a child. A village of role models.

Role models give others a healthy sense of what’s possible in life (and in Peterson’s case, what’s necessary). They shatter disbelief in a very practical way for us. We can see it with our own eyes.

Before 1954, the four-minute barrier for the mile run was considered unbreachable. It was both a physical and psychological hurdle for athletes worldwide. That all changed on May 6, 1954, when Roger Bannister broke the barrier, completing the race in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds.

The accomplishment became a symbol of rising above our perceived human limitations, and led to many people breaking the record since (more than 1400 runners at this point).

This is what a role model can do for us. And what Peterson did for me. I started taking action and changed the course of my life.

In the way that Bannister fathered a whole slew of athletes that came after him and broke the four minute mile, Peterson fathered a whole generation of men and women who took up their responsibility and changed their life for the better. And I’m one of them.

In that sense, he is my father. And he can be yours too.