“If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ― Seneca the Younger
If you’re like me, you have an easy time pointing out problems.
In the world at large, in other people’s lives, in your own life especially.
As a recovering perfectionist, I know firsthand what type of spiral you can get stuck in when only perfect is good enough. Hint: it’s not the one going upwards.
For me, finding an approach that counteracts this natural tendency has been crucial. Adding positive visualization to my arsenal, instead of just thinking about what might go wrong or should be fixed.
Doing thought experiments like: ‘What would it look like if I did find my dream job?’, ‘What if I was able to earn more and work less?’ or ‘What if I could have boundless energy?’
As Seneca points out, it’s important to find the time to think about and visualize our deepest desires. To find a north star worth navigating towards.
Best-case isn’t obvious
It’s no wonder we have such a hard time thinking of the best-case scenario and visualizing how things could go right.
We’re not made for it.
Humans are built to problem-solve and some of us (ahem, me) are exceptionally ‘good’ at finding problems to solve. Or just finding problems…
And yes, there are a lot of benefits to this.
For one, survival.
That’s why we’re built like this. In a life and death situation, pointing out all of the things you’re grateful for is likely going to be the last exercise you do.
But even our mental well-being can benefit from foreseeing problems. One can respond calmer, saner, and with less stress. It’s a way of mentally training ourselves.
The Stoics call it ‘premeditatio malorum’ or negative visualization. When you’ve entertained the possibility of something bad happening it is less of a surprise when it actually does.
Imagination is key
So why is it even necessary to think about things going right? Can’t we just go through life facing and solving the problems we encounter and go on our (merry) way?
If we would just like to survive, yes. That’s totally doable. Actually most people follow this path.
But if we’d like to thrive, and enrich our lives and the lives of those around us, we will need some best-case imagery as well.
Even though we don’t have to reach our destination exactly, we do need to reach for something. Something big that we’re afraid to think and speak out loud, preferably.
It’s scary to dream big. We can easily envision the disappointment or shame we might feel if it doesn’t work out or ‘what will other people think?‘
It’s scary, it doesn’t come easy, and who has the time. But we need to do it.
Finding your vision
Stepping out of our limiting perspectives and worse-case tendencies can be achieved in many ways.
A good place to start is to write down some ideas, read them back, and see what sticks. Another option is to use ChatGPT as a sparring partner to spark some fresh insights.
The best way though, is to talk to someone. Preferably a coach. Or anyone who 1. has the ability to let you talk (more difficult than it sounds) 2. has probing prompts to get you to aim higher (or dig deeper) than you’re comfortable with.
Because therein lies the challenge and the benefit.
Discovering what you want, why you want it, what you’re truly passionate about, how that’s linked to your values, what you consider your highest mission in life, and so forth.
It’s easy to see that answers to any of these questions, even if they’re still rambly and vague, can help you on the way to determining your next few steps.
In coaching, these sessions are called ‘vision sessions’, named after the thing you’re working on: the vision you have for your future self.
In this session the coach will spend all of their time and attention on pulling out of the client their highest hopes and dreams, to help them to figure out what they really, really want.
Making time for this and taking a step back to zoom out is necessary to find a path we truly align with. In this way we don’t end up somewhere out of touch with who we are and what we were made for.
After doing this, you can always go right back to pointing out the problems and obstacles, and start solving them.
I find it truly amazing how utterly enlivening it is when I connect with the what I really want, purpose/vision, and how quickly that connection can fade in handling the details of daily life.