Listen to them

The third newsletter is (mainly) about other people

I want to be honest in my writing.

At the same time I want to produce clear pieces that aren’t boring or over-explanatory.

The problem is, honesty is malleable. Whenever I publish my writing, I’m presenting by design.

Where talking is spontaneous, writing is polished. Unnatural in a sense. I tell you some things and leave out others. For every sentence that ends up in this edition, about five get deleted. You don’t get to see those (which is a good thing, that would be boring and over-explanatory).

Most often, what I present is meant to make a point, to convince, or to persuade. To that end I’m usually leaving out the secret reasonings behind my cleverly constructed arguments and sly sentence structures.

I’d like to try an experiment in this third edition; I’ll be adding some of the thoughts that I would normally cut. They’ll be recognizable by italics and brackets like [these].

Don’t take my word for it

I’m on a mission to teach as many people as I can how to improve their listening skills.

In January and February of 2023 I’m offering an in depth course (link) on the subject. [So I’ll be trying to persuade you of the importance of these skills. Just a heads up.]

Since I talk about this subject so much, I thought it’d be a nice change of pace to share some quotes from others. [My hidden agenda here is to add some weight to my argument by using other people’s words. I’m actually implicitly saying: ‘Look! Other people agree with me.]

Richard Branson (Virgin) on listening [You might have heard of this guy. He thinks listening is important in business and life. Just like I do.]

I’m not specifically marketing this course to people in businesses. But I do think that people who lead others, need these skills even more.

Someone who agrees with me on that point is Virgin’s Richard Branson, the ultra-successful entrepreneur, leading multiple teams across the world. Here are three of his quotes regarding the importance of listening skills. [See what I’m doing there? Of course, it’s actually me who’s agreeing with Richard Branson and not the other way around. I’m hoping to steal some of his thunder to show you I’m knowledgeable too. Although I don’t have any experience running a business of Virgin’s stature…yet…].

• “Lead by listening - to be a good leader you have to be a great listener.” [This is pretty obvious and just makes the point I’m trying to make, just from his mouth.]

• “There is so much to be learned from listening to people's hopes, frustrations, and points of view.” [This quote emphasizes an undervalued aspect of being a good listener—people will tell you things]

• “To launch a business means successfully solving problems. Solving problems means listening.” [This one is mainly in here for me, it’s a lesson I need to hear myself. And it sounds pretty profound, no?]

Investor and ‘matchmaker’ Graham Duncan’s experience of coaching [Obviously adding the word ‘investor’ and linking to his site to provide some gravitas as to who he is. Plus, his bit on coaching match and support vs challenge is excellent as well.]

I remember stopping in my tracks when I read this excerpt in ‘Tribe of Mentors’ by Tim Ferriss. In this paragraph, Graham does a great job of expressing what coaching is and how it’s experienced. [I’m effectively stealing his words here because I like his description so much that I wouldn’t like to alter it or write about it myself. I’ve found it very hard in the past to describe what I think coaching is or should be. This description comes very close. I’ve bolded the parts that are most important to my cause…]

• “I invest a disproportionate amount of my income in paying for an ever-growing collection of trainers and coaches. There are two coaches who have had an enormous impact on me in the last five years: Carolyn Coughlin at Cultivating Leadership and Jim Dethmer at Conscious Leadership. Carolyn is the most gifted listener I have ever encountered. She surfaces my hidden assumptions—the ones that hold me rather than me holding them—and teaches me to ask better and better questions. Jim Dethmer may be one of the few living bodhisattvas. Jim has helped me refine my communication skills and helped me develop more conscious relationships at work and with my family. I picture masterful coaches like Jim and Carolyn playing the same role as the wizards from Lord of the Rings—they exude supportive, loving energy that creates the conditions for life, feeling like an adventure from a secure base, an endless unfolding of possibility.”

It’s not only professional coaches who need to be like this. Everybody does. Especially people in supportive roles, like leaders and parents. [I’m agreeing with Graham here, but bending his point to suit my own. Namely; all people need these skills, not just pro coaches.]

But even beyond people who need to be good at supporting others. Who wouldn’t want to be supportive to others? Who wouldn’t want to ‘exude supportive, loving energy and create the conditions for life, like an adventure from a secure base’? [real talk: I absolutely love this quote and description of the attitude that coaches, and I believe everybody in the world, should have. Thereby broadening the scope of people that would be ‘perfect’ for my course.]

The course [take my word for it…]

I have many more quotes from others to enrich and substantiate my stance on the importance of listening skills, but I’m calling it quits here. To save you some reading, and me some writing time.

Once again I’d like to present the course that I’ll be offering this January. If you’re interested, more information is to be found here. [Flaunting my thoughts instead of sneakily persuading, I hope to show you that I’m actually a reliable teacher. Secretly exhibiting that becoming aware of your own thoughts is a prerequisite for listening to others. Honestly, it is.]