Do you feel like everyone’s better at making friends than you?
For a long time, this was me.
I’d see others naturally connect, while I stayed quiet, unsure how to join in. I even labeled myself an ‘introvert,’ convinced that making friends wasn’t my thing. But deep down, I wanted to connect—I just didn’t know how.
The problem with being invisible
It feels safe, doesn’t it? Staying quiet in Zoom calls, maybe even keeping the camera off. Joining social events or attending workshops but rarely speaking up. Whether online or in person, it’s easier to hang back and watch others engage.
I’ve been there. Especially in larger groups, it feels easier to stay quiet and avoid the discomfort of being seen.
But hiding doesn’t actually keep you safe—it keeps you stuck.
You miss out on valuable connections, potential friendships, even professional opportunities. A simple hello during a meetup could have led to a meaningful collaboration, but I will never know. By staying silent, I ensured that chance was lost.
I didn’t just become invisible in the moment, but also to future possibilities. Looking back, I understand the importance of building these connections, yet at the time, I still lacked the confidence to make the first move.
People persona
In truth, labeling myself an introvert didn’t have anything to do with not wanting to connect.
Since connecting with others wasn’t my natural talent, I believed I just wasn’t a people person and there was nothing I could do to change that.
I saw others connecting effortlessly—laughing, making small talk, building rapport with ease—while I was on the sidelines, wondering what their secret was.
I was jealous. Yet, I continued avoiding most interactions because I lacked the confidence and social skills to engage with strangers.
Like many, I never learned how to truly connect in school. I only learned to survive the playground. There was no guidance on building meaningful relationships or even basic tips on effective communication. I assumed connection should come naturally. Spoiler: it doesn’t.
So I stayed quiet, kept to myself, and let opportunities for rich, fulfilling relationships slip by—until I eventually wondered why I felt so disconnected.
What I didn’t realize then is that these social skills aren’t exclusive to extroverts. As the word itself suggests: they’re skills, and like any skill, they can be learned.
It just took me a long time to figure that out.
From baby steps to big leaps
I’ve always been a fan of educating myself online. For years, I soaked up information from all kinds of sources, rabbit-holing myself into anything that interested me.
At some point, I started noticing that live webinars with Q&A sessions and interactive workshops were becoming a thing. Many teachers and experts I admired were offering live sessions like this, and my curiosity made them kind of irresistible. So, I stumbled into this world of live online education.
At first, I attended these workshops purely for the information and stayed in the background as I was used to. I wasn’t there to connect with others, just to learn. I’d slip in and out quietly, focusing on the material.
Over time, something started to shift. I began seeing how other people were using speaking up and interacting with others to their advantage.
People were getting their questions answered, receiving support during the session, and being acknowledged by the group or the session host. I also heard some talk about people keeping in touch after the sessions, which gave me some serious FOMO.
But what really struck me was how clearly engaging brought people closer, I could see it in these sessions
It became obvious to me that by speaking up, people weren’t just getting more out of the sessions—they were building deeper connections and opening doors to new opportunities. It sparked something in me, and I found myself wanting to join in.
My first steps were small—dropping a quick comment or emoji in the chat, asking a clarifying question, or offering a resource when it felt relevant. It felt uncomfortable, but to my surprise, people responded positively.
Those small interactions helped reinforce the idea that connecting wasn’t as daunting as I’d imagined. In fact, it was fun.
Each interaction made the next one a little easier, and soon, I was slinging emojis and firing off comments like it was second nature. Before I knew it, I had my first ‘unofficial’ Zoom call with someone outside of a workshop, which felt like a pretty big milestone for me.
Connecting like a pro
Then came the real game-changer: learning to communicate like a coach.
During my coaching training (which, for the record, I didn’t start because I thought it would help me connect better), I learned how to listen deeply, create space for others, and engage authentically.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that these communication skills weren’t just essential for professional coaching—they were the very skills I’d been missing for truly connecting with others.
Learning to communicate at that level completely transformed the way I related to people, both personally and professionally.
The more I practiced, the more confident I became. Whether in Zoom meetings, personal conversations, or even big group settings, I went from quietly sitting on the sidelines to participating fully and authentically.
With these tools, I no longer felt the need to hide behind my old (and now useless) ‘introvert’ label.
These days, I join online courses mostly for the people and the community—the content is just the excuse. I’ve made authentic friends I regularly connect with, spanning four continents (and I’m working on the fifth).
These connections have led to collaborations, unexpected opportunities, and many late-night conversations I never thought I’d have.
Looking back, I can’t believe how much I was missing out on.
Four steps to becoming a people person
Now, I’m not saying you need to join more online courses... but they definitely helped me, and I happen to love them. Any place where people gather around shared interests and goals—whether virtual or in person—is the perfect training ground for honing your (new) social skills.
If you’re looking to build confidence in connecting more (and better), here’s how you can start—whether on Zoom or in everyday life:
1) Make the first move
Outside of formal meetings or courses, reach out to at least one person. Even a short message or a follow-up after a meeting can spark a small, meaningful connection that grows over time. Think of it as exposure therapy for your inner hermit.
2) Call out a strength
Instead of the usual compliment, highlight a strength you’ve noticed in someone. Make it specific, genuine, and unconditional—let them take it or leave it. Recognizing strengths builds connections based on real value.
3) Notice and acknowledge
In your next interaction, simply notice something insightful the other person says and acknowledge it. This small gesture shows you’re paying attention, and it strengthens the connection without needing to say much.
4) Be bold
Don’t hesitate to ask for what you want—whether it’s advice, a collaboration, or simply a conversation. People might say no or not respond at all, and that’s okay. You’re just practicing. It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission (attributed to Grace Hopper).
Staying in the background isn’t a life sentence, and making friends isn’t some talent reserved for a select few.
Connecting with others is a skill—one you can learn and develop. It is very much up to you.
If you’re still calling yourself an introvert, but that label is starting to feel like it doesn’t quite fit anymore, maybe it’s time to stop hiding behind it.
Deep down, you already know what to do.