Their path

On supporting personal development

My daughter recently turned one year old.

And even though she’s just one, I’m already getting sweaty palms when I think about her future education.

Not because I'm scared of letting her go - I want her to live, explore and grow into her own unique being - but because of my feelings towards the education system

Comparing babies with oranges

When we became new parents we were lucky to have some friends around who were also new parents. Thinking out loud, exchanging stories, and exchanging items like clothing, toys, and blankets made all the difference.

It’s wonderful to connect with people who are going through the same thing. It makes you feel like you’re not entirely alone (or crazy) as newbie parents.

Apart from all the sharing, what also happened was a lot of comparing.

It’s a natural instinct, which is fired on even further by the statistically driven medical world that is constantly comparing your child to charts, curves, and the ‘average’. Seeing our kid next to others we started wondering. What’s normal? Is she ‘on schedule’? Shouldn’t she be able to crawl already?

And I get why. It’s perfectly understandable that when we don’t know what we’re doing, we look around us for some answers. And as new parents we really don’t know what we’re doing. We’ve never raised one of these before, so how could we? Reading all the baby books in the world wasn’t going to prepare us for the real thing. 

Some things are universal of course. They’re babies, they need diapers, breast milk, and lots of cuddles. To get used to some of the basics, there is value in looking at other parents, other babies, and maybe even some statistics.

But it only goes so far. Because every baby (and adult) is different.

Really different.

Worlds apart

One of the couples we’re close with has a daughter who’s five days older than ours. That’s so close that it seemed like a no-brainer to start comparing these two specimens of ours right away. And we did.

What became apparent quite quickly was that they are incredibly different. Not only when they were just born but also in their development. 

My daughter is tall and lean and only recently started to show two tiny teeth. The other girl is short and sturdy, and she’s had a mouthful of sizable teeth for a while now. And those are just some of the physical differences.

Where my daughter is using her fingers a lot and practicing her fine motor skills, is still scooting around the house on her little bum, and is a ferocious ‘reader’ (pointing out the different animals she clearly recognizes when we name them), the other girl is already walking, climbs a lot, but couldn't tell a bear from a butterfly.

All babies are different. All people are different. We all develop differently. We do things at different speeds and in different orders. And when it comes to learning, sequence matters.

It wouldn’t make sense to try to push my daughter to walk when she’s not ready, just as it would be nonsensical to push the other girl to read and ‘make her remember’ words better. Forcing it would be weird, unproductive and even harmful. For their confidence, for the relationship, and for their sense of self-determination.

When looking at babies, this is all pretty clear. But when we see other adults, we tend to forget that people are (sometimes extremely) different and that they pick up things in different ways and at different times.

Maybe it’s because as adults we’re behaving all ‘adulty’, and we suddenly pretend to have our act together, but remembering this diversity in development would make a huge difference. 

Individual traits should guide how people are taught, and how and when they learn what.

How coaching could inform education

To know one’s self is already very difficult, if not impossible. Let alone knowing somebody else. We can pretty much forget it.

You have an entirely different set of brains than other people. Your genes, history, and upbringing are different. Even growing up coming from the same blood, family tradition, and culture, you’re going to be two entirely different beings.

You simply can’t know what works for someone else or decide what is good for them. 

This belief fuels the core of the coaching attitude. Knowing that our clients are the experts on their own lives, minds, and futures.

This translates into an attitude of true support. Because of this, we’re able to support them in their journeys. Allowing them to decide for themselves what they want to do, how they want to do it, and when they want to do it.

People can only truly do things when they’re ready to do them. And they can only truly develop ‘in the right order’. Their right order.

Trying to teach a three-year-old how to do advanced calculus seems pretty ridiculous right? There are about a million steps and twenty years of experience in between those two things.

Education should be about making the learning steps as small as possible for the student. The better the next step fits, the more ready they are to take it.

This means that ‘readiness to learn’ is key. And here once again, coaching values can help.

There is only one way to know what someone is ready for. By listening to them (or watching them carefully, if they can’t speak yet…).

A teacher then is an expert in knowing the student. What they want, where they’re at, and how they learn. Listening, asking questions, and then stepping out of the way. Instead of blocking the view with a ‘must-read’ from their perspective. Even though we might need an educational system, there is no one method because everyone needs a different one.

I’m planning to do everything I can to give my daughter what she needs, when she needs it. As a parent and on her educational path. Letting her lead with her own curiosity.

Ultimately, it’s her path. And she’s the only one who can walk it.