Vulnerability as a non-negotiable

Break down your barriers to build deeper relationships

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” — Brené Brown

For most of my life, I was uneasy about letting people see the real me. I thought being vulnerable was a sign of weakness, something to avoid at all costs.

I made sure to keep up my carefully built walls, thinking I was protecting myself. But in reality, I was just causing myself more pain.

The turning point

Some years ago, I found myself at a low point, both physically and mentally.

At my lowest, I withdrew completely from the people around me and isolated myself. I built walls around myself, convinced that showing any vulnerability would make me seem weak—because that's exactly how I felt: weak. Staying closed off felt like the only safe option.

But I knew something had to change, and I realized no one else was going to pull me out of it. So, I started looking for ways to improve my health.

As I started experimenting with diet and lifestyle choices, something surprising happened. As my body got stronger, my mental health improved even faster.

With this newfound strength came a growing awareness that if I truly wanted to improve my life, vulnerability was going to be part of it. I saw that I had created this shield myself and that without letting people in, I’d never find the connection I really needed.

It wasn’t easy undoing years of self-protection, but as I slowly opened up, I noticed something shift. With each small step, people responded with warmth, and that gave me the confidence to keep going.

What I once saw as weakness wasn’t just unnecessary—it was holding me back big time. And surprisingly, it was something I could work on and strengthen over time.

The price of building walls

You’ve read the books, watched the talks, and yes, you’ve probably come across your fair share of Brené Brown quotes. And rightly so.

“When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity.” — Brené Brown

It’s no secret that vulnerability is essential for building stronger relationships, creating deep friendships, and making real progress—in both life and work.

Without it, we end up isolated.

I know firsthand how easy it is to fall into this trap. Opening up feels risky, so we hide behind walls, thinking we’re protecting ourselves.

But this instinct to protect ourselves isn’t random—it’s something we learn. At some point, being vulnerable led to getting hurt, so we started hiding. It made sense at the time, but the price we pay is high.

As kids, we don’t think twice about being vulnerable. But as we grow, we build barriers to shield ourselves from pain. Over time, though, those walls end up keeping us disconnected and alone.

The cost of protection? Disconnection.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Vulnerability isn’t fixed—it’s a skill you can practice and get better at, just like anything else.

Getting the reps in

The key to breaking down the walls we build is to practice vulnerability in small, intentional ways.

As my physical health improved, so did my ability to open up. What started as a focus on my body naturally began to extend into my relationships.

For me, working toward a common goal with a group of driven, like-minded people (i.e. online courses in my case) became the foundation for practicing vulnerability.

Slowly, I gained new friendships and grew more comfortable showing my true self and being open with others.

Vulnerability, like a muscle, gets stronger with consistent practice. Just like you wouldn’t walk into the gym and lift 300 pounds on day one, opening up takes time and progressive exposure. For me, each small act of vulnerability expanded my emotional capacity, helping me form deeper connections and more genuine relationships.

As I grew more comfortable with vulnerability, my practice reached a new level when I started training to become a certified coach. Coaching demands openness and honesty, not just with others, but with yourself.

As I learned to communicate more effectively, vulnerability became an essential part of every interaction. This shift didn’t just improve my conversations—it reshaped how I connected with others, opening the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships and new opportunities.

Making vulnerability work for you

Over the years, I’ve come across a few key strategies that made it easier for me to embrace vulnerability and build deeper relationships. Here’s what worked for me:

1) Seek out safe spaces: Look for places that encourage vulnerability, like group coaching sessions, workshops on communication and emotional awareness, or even writing courses that provide supportive feedback. These environments give you a chance to practice opening up without fear of judgment.

2) Start small with micro-vulnerabilities: You don’t have to dive into deep emotional revelations right away. Begin with small acts of openness—sharing something personal in a trusted setting, asking for help where you normally wouldn’t, or simply answering ‘How are you?’ with a little more honesty than usual.

3) Reflect on your journey: Take some time to think about how your emotional armor was built. What experiences made you feel like you had to hide parts of yourself? For example, maybe you avoided asking for help because it once made you feel weak. Start by questioning that belief and trying a small action to challenge it—like asking for advice on something small and seeing how it feels.

4) Leverage communication skills: Learning to communicate effectively is key to practicing vulnerability. When you deeply listen and engage in open, honest conversations, you create space for trust and connection. Whether it’s in personal relationships or professional settings, developing strong communication skills—something I work on with clients—can help strengthen your vulnerability muscle in real-time.

The truth is, vulnerability isn’t some rare gift a few people have—it’s a skill you can develop. Like any other skill, it gets stronger with consistent practice.

As I began to embrace vulnerability as a non-negotiable part of my life, I noticed how it transformed my connections with others and, more importantly, how it helped me shed some emotional weight I’d been carrying for far too long. It turns out, being more vulnerable didn’t just change my relationships—it let me be more of who I am.