Write with your mouth

The twenty-second newsletter is about sparring

You know those crazy people walking down the street talking to themselves? Well, they aren't so crazy. Talking out loud is essential for clarifying our thoughts.

Somehow, when words leave our mouths and enter our ears, the process of sending and receiving vibrations through the air sharpens up our ideas. It gets even better when there's someone around to reflect your words back to you.

To distill your main points and discover what you really mean even more, writing is the next step. And especially if you’re writing consistently, talking before you start writing is an absolute must.

The writer myth

I waited 40 years to start writing because I always thought that you had to be born a writer, with finished stories in your head, and a natural flair for words. I thought writing was a solitary pursuit. Locking yourself up in your attic, letting the words pour onto the paper. Or frantically typing on that quaint typewriter you happen to have in working condition.

I had two illusions about writing:

1. You start with a blank page

2. You write alone

Both are false and counterproductive.

After 40 years of pre-crastinating (that’s what you do before you start the official procrastinating process), I finally started writing and engaging with other writers. I discovered that everything you think about, take note of, or talk about, is a seed for your writing.

Most of the writing happens before you sit down and open a google doc.

The writing process (and many other creative pursuits) is one of interaction with other humans. It turns out not many people write full, ready-to-go pieces in one go. And even when they are, their work is improved by interaction. Even the most naturally talented writers need a good editor.

Writing is social. I need a host of people all throughout the process. From ideating, to feedback, to editing, there’s a whole team working on ‘my’ writing. Four people besides me worked on this newsletter, and I’m not finished drafting yet…

Perspective

When you’re thinking through an idea alone, maybe something you’d like to express in writing, your thoughts will stay inside your head. The ideas, breakthroughs, and solutions you can come up with are limited by your head and what’s in it.

The chit-chat that’s going on all day in there, looping around, is largely recycled thoughts. It’s all coming from your database, the perception you’ve been cultivating for however long you’ve been on this planet.

To break the spell, we need other people. Someone with a different view, who can pull us out of the loop, point out our blindspots, and challenge our crazy ideas. This helps us to go from vague concepts to crystalized gems.

I’m not saying you’re not brilliant, I mean, we can all agree that you are. I’m just saying you could be more brilliant with a conversation partner. 

The writing process is collaborative, and starts way before your fingers hit the keyboard. Every thought you have, every note you take, every conversation you have, is an essay waiting to happen.

Sparring

I write because it forces me to get clear about what I think, what I actually mean, and what I really believe. Especially things I have strong opinions about, or things I’m unsure of. Writing will clarify.

To avoid making the writing itself excruciatingly hard, the step before this is conversation. Talking out loud to someone else clarifies my thinking, so the writing I’ll do later isn't so hard.

This works even better if I meet with one of my writing partners, who is also a good listener. They know what it takes to write, and to gather our thoughts for that purpose. If they’re also good at listening, they‘re the ideal sparring partner for future writing.

A good sparring partner uses the same skills as a good coach does (a supportive yet challenging attitude, reflections and active listening, using powerful questions) but they put those skills to use for the purpose of the creative process (instead of personal growth, like a coach would).

And just as with finding a coach, finding the right sparring partner is essential. They can help untangle unclear points, help us recognize what we’re excited about and dig deeper, and make sure our thoughts are as clear as they can be when we sit down to write. Effectively removing the idea of a truly empty page.

Talking out loud doesn’t make me crazy. It makes me a writer.