You’re a multitude

The eighth newsletter is (mainly) about your internal family

Apparently I’m not done talking about trauma. This time I’d like to continue with something more specific. Zooming in on the ‘Internal Family Systems’ model (IFS).

Review

In the last two newsletters I said that:

• (nr. 6) Trauma is on a spectrum from ‘big’ to ‘small’. While big trauma deservedly gets all the attention, small trauma can be a slow burn and add up. Leading to problems and dysfunction later in life.

• (nr. 7) There’s a distinction between the (traumatic) event and the (traumatic) impact. The knife that cuts is different from the wound it creates. The belief we have about an event can be transformed (and the wound healed).

I briefly mentioned an IFS-exercise that helped me unearth a memory and release a burden. Thereby reinterpreting a traumatic experience and feeling much better in the present.

In this edition and the next one I’d like to go a little deeper into the model behind that exercise.

The model

Internal Family Systems supposes that we are all multitudes. Instead of only one personality we consist of multiple ‘parts’ or sub-personalities.

An easy way to picture this is to think of an occasion where we’re debating a dilemma in our minds. We might say: ‘a part of me feels I should go ahead with this, but another part is having doubts.’ In IFS we see that as a discussion between your parts.

Next to these parts, there’s also something called the ‘Self’. Our undamaged essence. The core of our being. Our true self, so to speak.

If you’re with me so far, well done.

I have to say, I’m not usually someone that handles these ‘woo-woo’ concepts well. I always get a bit antsy when people start throwing around words like: ‘essence’ and ‘being’. If you’re the same I’m hoping you stick with me.

Okay, so we have a head full of parts, including our (true) Self. Now what? What does this have to do with trauma?

To answer that, we need to recall the distinction between the event itself and the impact of the event.

When you’re young, you don’t yet have all the resources available to you that an adult has. You’re not able to interpret traumatic events from a position of security, confidence, and stability.

When a traumatic event occurs during that time, it’s possible for one of your parts to ‘jump in between’ and protect ‘everyone’ else. This prevents the whole system (all of the other parts and the immature Self) from being impacted and possibly collapsing under the weight of it.

In IFS-speak this part is now carrying a burden (a set of extreme beliefs and emotions). And until this burden is released, the part will keep ‘protecting’ you even when you grow up and don’t need protecting anymore. This is how trauma would show up later in life, through an IFS lens.

Just a model

It’s important to mention that IFS is an observational model of reality. Not the truth. We’re not going in with a scalpel anytime soon to dig up and find these so-called parts.

What the model allows though, is to work with (small and big) trauma and very effectively help people unburden and transform their traumatic pain and beliefs.

I said before that I’m not usually into woo-woo and I mean that, I’m a very logical, no-nonsense person. The reason that I love and use the IFS-model is because it’s so down to earth, practical, and effective.

I know some readers are interested in discovering the model more deeply, so I’m including a few resources from IFS founder Richard Schwartz here.

• Video briefly explaining the model.

• Book: ‘No Bad Parts’. A great primer on the model, complete with exercises you can do on your own.

• An extended outline of the model on the IFS-institute website.

• An excellent interview going a bit deeper into the model.

• The IFS professional directory if you want to find an IFS-trained practitioner.

Next week I’ll continue talking about IFS and how so often we mistake our parts for our burdens.