I love the way you’ve skilfully - and artfully - summarised the year’s of coach training we did about how to listen into three steps. This should be essential reading for all coaches at the start of a programme!
In my own practice, just as Nonviolent Communication teaches us words can be violent, I’ve found silence can be a weapon, too. Precisely because those who are not accustomed to silences, even short ones (which is most of us), it’s a great tool when making a complaint. I used to lose my temper, raise my voice when something didn’t go my way. Usually an anonymous someone at the end of telephone line receiving a complaint about a service or product. Now, silence is my mode of complaining. It’s gentle (perhaps apart from the awkwardness it generates in the person listening/waiting), but I’ve noticed often that their filling the silence with talking leads to the solution.
Bookmarking this to share on the topic of listening. Just excellent. And the dropping to 3 steps with the first original two being in the intro makes all the difference. Very readable, remember-able! - and love that step # 1 is "shut up".
I love the way you’ve skilfully - and artfully - summarised the year’s of coach training we did about how to listen into three steps. This should be essential reading for all coaches at the start of a programme!
In my own practice, just as Nonviolent Communication teaches us words can be violent, I’ve found silence can be a weapon, too. Precisely because those who are not accustomed to silences, even short ones (which is most of us), it’s a great tool when making a complaint. I used to lose my temper, raise my voice when something didn’t go my way. Usually an anonymous someone at the end of telephone line receiving a complaint about a service or product. Now, silence is my mode of complaining. It’s gentle (perhaps apart from the awkwardness it generates in the person listening/waiting), but I’ve noticed often that their filling the silence with talking leads to the solution.
Excellent tips, Rik. Love the Terry Pratchett quote. Just create a space for the other person to talk to themselves. Golden.
Fighting the urge of making a statement with reflect has gotten easier overtime. Thanks for showing us a deeper layer of listening
Bookmarking this to share on the topic of listening. Just excellent. And the dropping to 3 steps with the first original two being in the intro makes all the difference. Very readable, remember-able! - and love that step # 1 is "shut up".