I love the way you’ve skilfully - and artfully - summarised the year’s of coach training we did about how to listen into three steps. This should be essential reading for all coaches at the start of a programme!
In my own practice, just as Nonviolent Communication teaches us words can be violent, I’ve found silence can be a weapon, too. Precisely because those who are not accustomed to silences, even short ones (which is most of us), it’s a great tool when making a complaint. I used to lose my temper, raise my voice when something didn’t go my way. Usually an anonymous someone at the end of telephone line receiving a complaint about a service or product. Now, silence is my mode of complaining. It’s gentle (perhaps apart from the awkwardness it generates in the person listening/waiting), but I’ve noticed often that their filling the silence with talking leads to the solution.
Thanks Eric! Wouldn't have thought of your example but it seems that silence (or not being awkward if it is there) is indeed a superpower on more levels than one.
Bookmarking this to share on the topic of listening. Just excellent. And the dropping to 3 steps with the first original two being in the intro makes all the difference. Very readable, remember-able! - and love that step # 1 is "shut up".
I love the way you’ve skilfully - and artfully - summarised the year’s of coach training we did about how to listen into three steps. This should be essential reading for all coaches at the start of a programme!
In my own practice, just as Nonviolent Communication teaches us words can be violent, I’ve found silence can be a weapon, too. Precisely because those who are not accustomed to silences, even short ones (which is most of us), it’s a great tool when making a complaint. I used to lose my temper, raise my voice when something didn’t go my way. Usually an anonymous someone at the end of telephone line receiving a complaint about a service or product. Now, silence is my mode of complaining. It’s gentle (perhaps apart from the awkwardness it generates in the person listening/waiting), but I’ve noticed often that their filling the silence with talking leads to the solution.
Thanks Eric! Wouldn't have thought of your example but it seems that silence (or not being awkward if it is there) is indeed a superpower on more levels than one.
Excellent tips, Rik. Love the Terry Pratchett quote. Just create a space for the other person to talk to themselves. Golden.
Fighting the urge of making a statement with reflect has gotten easier overtime. Thanks for showing us a deeper layer of listening
Bookmarking this to share on the topic of listening. Just excellent. And the dropping to 3 steps with the first original two being in the intro makes all the difference. Very readable, remember-able! - and love that step # 1 is "shut up".