I'm glad you are bringing this dynamic into conversation Rik. I treat the feedback pretty much as you describe, that a "like" is just a friend saying hi, and even some comments are like that. But when someone lets you know that the content was valuable, thoughtful, or provocative it means a lot more and indicates that you're barking up the right tree so to speak. I honestly feel that the "like" feature on most platforms should go away. Commenting is always where the value is, if there is value to be exchanging with respect to writing online. I find your ways of thinking, and how you do you it out loud, consistently useful and engaging.
This is a great point and one I wonder about all the time. I was new to social media this past year and I still don’t understand the etiquette. I see tweets by accounts with hundreds of thousands of followers that get tens of thousands of likes. And the tweet doesn’t even say anything. There’s no way that many people actually liked it. So am I supposed to like tweets just because I follow the person? It feels, at least to me, that a like means “I saw it” and a comment means “I got something from it”
Agreed! For some reason I enjoy engaging and commenting here but have such a resistance to sitting down with my phone and trying to do the same thing with Twitter. I keep hearing that's part of being in the writing space, but I'm very slow to embrace it.
Very helpful insight about how to distinguish affirmation from cheerleading. I can see myself applying this in writing and my workplace.
I think cheerleading (or "to gas" as the younger generations call it) serves its purposes in some contexts. But done too frequently, it loses its effect and one might become dependent on this type of frivolous positive reinforcement
Had never heard of 'to gas' so thanks for informing me on what's going on in the next gen ;) I agree with your last point, that high frequency creates dependency. Although this is a debate within the coaching world. Some believe that there's nothing wrong with frequently praising, they do so in the name of 'rapport' (building a relationship with your client). I'm on the other side of the argument and think that praise often (even immediately) creates a difference in position. As in, I (from above) think you (down there) are doing a good job. But nuances within both exist of course. I guess it depends on 'conversation style' as well. Would love to hear how /when you apply this (in both writing and the workplace).
Clicked "like" and I really, really mean it! You did a great job of refining since my last read. This highlights such an important issue in online life (wait...maybe in all of life) in general: do people really mean what they say? This was a helpful way of thinking about how to contribute to a friend's journey.
I gave you a like, but not just any like. You make a great point.
I do throw likes around - likes are "I see you". And you used one of my magnet phrases "signal to noise".
When I evaluate the impact of one of my posts, I lean into Ann Handley's stat OWBR - Open to Write Back. Did someone feel impacted enough to take the extra second to open the newsletter and write a comment back. Hopefully one that has the affirming language you mention. So that is what I try and do to show my engagement.
FYI, in my travels, I find that 95% of the population are too shy to let the algorithms pick up on their likes. Esp on LinkedIn. I get more cocktail and dinner in-person reactions to my essays and posts, than hearts and thumbnails on the platforms. So you impact might be actually greater than you know.
Rik - have you heard the story that Stephen Rollnick tells about how affirmations came to be a major part of Motivational Interviewing? It’s a beautifully inspirational tale about humanity and kindness. Ever since I learned about affirmations I’ve avoided praise like the plague. The training I’ve done with Rollnick is fascinating in that he’s finding use for affirmations in sports and education - in fact in all walks of life.
I'm glad you are bringing this dynamic into conversation Rik. I treat the feedback pretty much as you describe, that a "like" is just a friend saying hi, and even some comments are like that. But when someone lets you know that the content was valuable, thoughtful, or provocative it means a lot more and indicates that you're barking up the right tree so to speak. I honestly feel that the "like" feature on most platforms should go away. Commenting is always where the value is, if there is value to be exchanging with respect to writing online. I find your ways of thinking, and how you do you it out loud, consistently useful and engaging.
I like your comment, Rick. And have liked it!
This is a great point and one I wonder about all the time. I was new to social media this past year and I still don’t understand the etiquette. I see tweets by accounts with hundreds of thousands of followers that get tens of thousands of likes. And the tweet doesn’t even say anything. There’s no way that many people actually liked it. So am I supposed to like tweets just because I follow the person? It feels, at least to me, that a like means “I saw it” and a comment means “I got something from it”
Agreed! For some reason I enjoy engaging and commenting here but have such a resistance to sitting down with my phone and trying to do the same thing with Twitter. I keep hearing that's part of being in the writing space, but I'm very slow to embrace it.
I really struggle with that as well. I was just exchanging emails with someone about this very topic. How to make myself embrace Twitter more.
ha ha, thanks Eric!
I also like your comment, Rick :)
I'll be standing with you when we take this mission to the streets!
The way you differentiate cheerleading from affirming demonstrates your discernment as a coach :,)
This reminds me of a phrase I recently heard--“toxic positivity.” Perhaps something I’ll write about in a future essay
Very helpful insight about how to distinguish affirmation from cheerleading. I can see myself applying this in writing and my workplace.
I think cheerleading (or "to gas" as the younger generations call it) serves its purposes in some contexts. But done too frequently, it loses its effect and one might become dependent on this type of frivolous positive reinforcement
Had never heard of 'to gas' so thanks for informing me on what's going on in the next gen ;) I agree with your last point, that high frequency creates dependency. Although this is a debate within the coaching world. Some believe that there's nothing wrong with frequently praising, they do so in the name of 'rapport' (building a relationship with your client). I'm on the other side of the argument and think that praise often (even immediately) creates a difference in position. As in, I (from above) think you (down there) are doing a good job. But nuances within both exist of course. I guess it depends on 'conversation style' as well. Would love to hear how /when you apply this (in both writing and the workplace).
Clicked "like" and I really, really mean it! You did a great job of refining since my last read. This highlights such an important issue in online life (wait...maybe in all of life) in general: do people really mean what they say? This was a helpful way of thinking about how to contribute to a friend's journey.
I gave you a like, but not just any like. You make a great point.
I do throw likes around - likes are "I see you". And you used one of my magnet phrases "signal to noise".
When I evaluate the impact of one of my posts, I lean into Ann Handley's stat OWBR - Open to Write Back. Did someone feel impacted enough to take the extra second to open the newsletter and write a comment back. Hopefully one that has the affirming language you mention. So that is what I try and do to show my engagement.
FYI, in my travels, I find that 95% of the population are too shy to let the algorithms pick up on their likes. Esp on LinkedIn. I get more cocktail and dinner in-person reactions to my essays and posts, than hearts and thumbnails on the platforms. So you impact might be actually greater than you know.
Keep on, Rik!
Rik - have you heard the story that Stephen Rollnick tells about how affirmations came to be a major part of Motivational Interviewing? It’s a beautifully inspirational tale about humanity and kindness. Ever since I learned about affirmations I’ve avoided praise like the plague. The training I’ve done with Rollnick is fascinating in that he’s finding use for affirmations in sports and education - in fact in all walks of life.
I'd love to hear more about this @eric