Conversations are like sex

10 things no one tells you about

Ah, there it is. I should have known. The inevitable sex scene.

I’ve never liked them.

Not when I was a teenager, sitting awkwardly between my parents, staring at the ceiling and wishing for death. And not now, even when I’m watching by myself.

It’s not the nudity or the sex—I’ve always been a fan of both. It’s the perfection. The music swells, the lighting is flawless, everyone somehow knows exactly what to do and when to do it. No one gets a cramp. No one laughs. No one accidentally elbows anyone in the ribs…(anyone?).

For the people here who’ve had sex, they know that in real life, it’s never like this. Never.

The same is true for conversations. They’re nothing like in the movies.

They look easy and flawless in theory—until you’re in the middle of one, fumbling for words, misreading cues, and wondering if the other person is secretly plotting their escape (judging by the way their eyes keep drifting to the ceiling).

So for both sex and conversations, here are 10 things no one tells you about—but probably should.

1. It can be awkward.

Conversations rarely unfold perfectly.

You start telling a story and realize halfway through that it’s going nowhere. Or you throw out a question that gets nothing but a blank stare in return. Or maybe it’s the moment where you misjudge the timing and both of you start talking at once—or worse, no one does.

It’s what happens when people try to connect. It’s messy, and awkwardness comes with the territory.

2. It can be one-sided.

Conversation works best when two (or more) people actively engage, listen, and connect. But that’s not always what happens.

Sometimes, it’s someone glancing at their phone mid-sentence, other times someone might retreat behind walls they’ve built around their emotions. In any case, finding ourselves in ‘conversations’ that feel one-sided isn’t uncommon.

Whether it’s someone talking at you for 20 minutes without pausing to breathe or giving you nothing but a string of ‘Yeahs,’ it can make you question whether this person is even here—or if they think showing up means lying there and waiting for it to be over.

3. We don’t talk about it.

Sharing details about our sex lives isn't exactly something we do around the water cooler. Maybe when we need advice, we might confide in our closest friends—but even that's rare.

Bringing up our 'conversation life’ as a topic? That’s practically unheard of.

But how often do we interrupt, forget to ask questions, or treat conversations like a monologue? These habits are everywhere—and we barely notice them.

4. The 'teaching' we receive around it is embarrassingly bad.

I don’t know what your ‘sex ed’ experience was like, but if you had one, chances are it was unhelpful at best and wildly confusing at worst.

But at least there’s a class for it. For communication skills, there’s nothing.

Maybe you get the odd teacher saying, ‘Ask open questions’ or ‘Talk less, listen more.’ But that’s not helpful, is it? And the classic advice to ‘just be yourself’? That’s like shouting ‘Relax!’ at someone mid-panic attack.

Basic communication skills should be taught in schools, but they’re not. So, just like you had to figure out your sex life on your own, learning to communicate is entirely up to you.

5. There’s a lot of mystery surrounding it.

No one ever tells you how to be good at this stuff. Most of us just figure it out through trial and error—lots of error.

We start learning to talk as babies, imitating the people around us—not just their words, but their tone, style, and even their body language. And then? That’s where it stops. We grow up, keep talking, and never really think about how our communication style shapes our relationships, careers, or lives.

It’s weird. With sex you would expect some mystery—it’s private, personal, and not exactly something we practice in public.

But conversation? We do it every single day, right in front of everyone, and yet no one talks about how to get better at it.

6. It can be daunting and complicated.

What if you say the wrong thing? Or the right thing in the wrong way? What if they don’t understand what you mean?

The stakes can feel high. Asking for a promotion, telling someone how you really feel about them, or trying to apologize without making things worse. These moments leave you questioning every word and have the power to ruin your whole day.

The timing, the signals, the way everything seems to hinge on one small moment—it’s a headache. If conversations were easy, we’d hit the mark every time and walk away with a happy ending.

7. It’s not one-size-fits-all.

Every person is different, which means every interaction is different. What works beautifully in one conversation might completely backfire in another.

Communication isn’t like following a recipe—it’s more like learning to play jazz. Sure, there are some guidelines, but the magic comes from paying attention, improvising, and adapting to the moment.

Through practice, we don’t just get better—we learn how to communicate in a way that feels right for us and resonates with whoever we’re talking to.

8. It’s something we have to learn.

Some people seem naturally great at this. They’re charming, quick on their feet, always knowing exactly what to say. Natural communicators.

When this isn’t you, don’t worry. Communication, connecting with people, building relationships—it’s a learnable skill.

It’s not magic.

Just look at the pros: coaches, negotiators, therapists—they weren’t born great communicators. They were trained. And if it’s a learnable skill for them, it’s a learnable skill for all of us.

9. It’s usually not that satisfying.

Some people dislike small talk, others get uncomfortable with long silences, almost nobody likes to be unsolicitedly-advised-upon.

Many conversations feel like being with a partner who’s cluelessly out of sync—rushing ahead when they should be slowing down, or doing the same thing over and over, clearly unaware it’s not working.

They’re the kinds of conversations that leave you wishing they’d end sooner—and forgetting them the moment they do.

But the good ones? They leave you spent, satisfied, and wondering when you’ll get to do it again.

10. The good ones involve being receptive to feedback.

The best conversations aren’t about sticking to a script or stubbornly pushing your point. They’re about being present, hearing what’s said, sensing what isn’t, and letting your response flow from there.

Great conversations thrive on picking up on this kind of feedback. This give-and-take is what makes great conversations feel natural.

It’s about tuning in—picking up on signals, adjusting your timing, and staying open to where your partner takes you.

Going with the flow is what makes a conversation work. Ignore the cues, and you’re bound to leave someone disappointed.

11. Bonus: It’s worth the effort.

For all the awkward pauses, (bad) advice, and moments of sheer confusion or boredom, the payoff is undeniable. Those rare, meaningful conversations—the ones where you truly connect—they’re totally worth it.

They’re the moments we remember, the real connections we build. Lifelong friends are created in a single conversation.

From our side, we actually have a lot of control over this. When we learn some basic communication skills and bring some vulnerability, presence, and curiosity to our conversations, we can start creating the kinds of moments that stay with us—and build the connections that shape our lives.

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Getting to the good part

Conversations don’t get the credit they deserve. Everything from sealing a deal to falling in love happens in conversations. We build our lives on them. I’m not saying they’re as important as, ahem, procreation but they’re close.

Most of the time though, we stumble through them, figuring things out as we go and hoping for the best.

No one tells you that the awkwardness—the trial and error, the cringing at yourself—isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong. It’s the only way we get better at it.

Great conversations don’t happen by accident. They take intention and practice. But when they click? They leave you satisfied—and just a little curious if it was as good for them as it was for you.