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CansaFis Foote's avatar

…a friend is so many things but most especially someone who would show up for whatever you might need them to show up for…whether that is now or a thousand years from now…but also conversely someone for whom you would do the same for…friendship is circular…though as you note these hardfast definitions and binaries are false…friendships vary in frequency, need and value…their is something spiritual to the idea too but hard to pinpoint that element…

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Rik's avatar

Agreed :) I guess this essay was my way of letting go of trying that whole pinpointing game. The poem still hits me though and I still aim for something like it. Funny.

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Emily Brooke Felt's avatar

Rik this is one my favorites of your essays. What life has been showing me lately is that I need a balance of all types of friendships. I need connections with my internet tribe of like-minded souls, the gals I grew up with, other parents whose friendship might only last while our kids are young and then the few people are with me for the whole lifespan. Above all, your essay reminds me that it is positive social connections, whatever form them take, that really makes for a good life.

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Rik's avatar

Yes, I didn't write it explicitly here but the 'positive social connections' I'm starting to value more and more and I'm glad it's the undertone in this piece too, even if not written in words :)

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Emily Brooke Felt's avatar

Oh yes, definitely an undertone. It’s quite easy to read it between the lines:)

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Ved Shankar's avatar

I don't know if its media or zeitgeist, but we tend to bundle a lot in things - whether friends, partners and jobs.

It can't just be a job, it's also a calling and passion and pays the bills.

It can't just be a friend - it has to be ever-present brother who will love me forever but also grow along with me as we age.

We have trouble living with change because of our expectations of stasis.

I've definitely been the friend who was disappointed in others who couldn't keep in touch. But I also just made my peace with it slowly - although in a depressing 'we are all going to die alone'

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Rik's avatar

Haha, yes, I love the phrase 'ever-present brother' here, shows how expectations can be a little unrealistic (and often unspoken as well, as in my case).

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