This is so true. Really resonated with the story about your friend’s job – I also have the tendency for insatiable questioning. Leaving room in the conversation (in those pauses) for people to continue is so important to get to those deeper thoughts. Getting there can feel like a dark art at times! Great job
It's absolutely a dark art ;) While there is most definitely some theory (conversational tools) that can help, actively practicing and making it your own, engraining it into your system, is the only way I've found to make it less of a mystery. Luckily, one can improve. I was miles from where I am now five years ago for example :)
Your talent for turning conventional traps upside down and giving us the chance to escape from them is exceptional Rik. This post about our relationship to questions is expertly addressed, covering the nuances of the consideration and providing guidance to upscale our skills with question-asking. It's very timely, because I'm starting a new community and I'm going to share this with all of the new members. It's like a blueprint for how community members can better engage each other.
I'm really glad you mention the word 'nuance' here Rick, because that was what I was working on the most this time; getting this nuanced point across :) I love: 'It's like a blueprint for how community members can better engage each other' and I really hope it will be an instrumental tool in your community and would love to hear if/how it helps/works for folks. Also, nice going on starting the community itself and congrats on doing that!
You did it well. Nuance is so hard! It's so much easier to live and think in the realm of black and white. I'll let you know what the response to the article is. And yes, excited about this community launch. Thanks for the thumbs up.
+1 to what Rick said - I never even thought about critically looking at questions. Even when they felt (like you said) an interrogation. Gaging how generative is a comment (reflection or question) is now a filter I'll take with me to conversations. Also curious about how Rick how this will go in your community!
Haha, not a great feeling maybe but I hope it was valuable in a sense. I actually use ‘tell me more’ or ‘what else’ quite often, both in coaching and in my personal relationships :) And just shutting up completely of course when I manage to. Also, I didn’t get into it in this essay but the earth shattering power of a well placed question ‘in a bed’ of silence, reflection, and listening is absolute magic.
Actually not really. Maybe this is because my standards are too high though. And, to be honest, ever since having a daughter and starting to write, I don't listen to a ton of them anymore… I'll keep this question in mind as a lens to find more of them though!
I think Patrick O'Shaughnessey does a good job in his Invest Like the Best podcast. Consider giving it a listen. Curious what you think—or who else you identify as a good example
This is so true. Really resonated with the story about your friend’s job – I also have the tendency for insatiable questioning. Leaving room in the conversation (in those pauses) for people to continue is so important to get to those deeper thoughts. Getting there can feel like a dark art at times! Great job
It's absolutely a dark art ;) While there is most definitely some theory (conversational tools) that can help, actively practicing and making it your own, engraining it into your system, is the only way I've found to make it less of a mystery. Luckily, one can improve. I was miles from where I am now five years ago for example :)
Your talent for turning conventional traps upside down and giving us the chance to escape from them is exceptional Rik. This post about our relationship to questions is expertly addressed, covering the nuances of the consideration and providing guidance to upscale our skills with question-asking. It's very timely, because I'm starting a new community and I'm going to share this with all of the new members. It's like a blueprint for how community members can better engage each other.
I'm really glad you mention the word 'nuance' here Rick, because that was what I was working on the most this time; getting this nuanced point across :) I love: 'It's like a blueprint for how community members can better engage each other' and I really hope it will be an instrumental tool in your community and would love to hear if/how it helps/works for folks. Also, nice going on starting the community itself and congrats on doing that!
You did it well. Nuance is so hard! It's so much easier to live and think in the realm of black and white. I'll let you know what the response to the article is. And yes, excited about this community launch. Thanks for the thumbs up.
+1 to what Rick said - I never even thought about critically looking at questions. Even when they felt (like you said) an interrogation. Gaging how generative is a comment (reflection or question) is now a filter I'll take with me to conversations. Also curious about how Rick how this will go in your community!
Nice question Vicky! : )
A measure of generativeness is an interesting idea too. Maybe there could be a scale of some sort, or a framework even… ;)
Actually cringed (in self reflection) at the quiz
Maybe the only question we actually need is “is there more?”
Haha, not a great feeling maybe but I hope it was valuable in a sense. I actually use ‘tell me more’ or ‘what else’ quite often, both in coaching and in my personal relationships :) And just shutting up completely of course when I manage to. Also, I didn’t get into it in this essay but the earth shattering power of a well placed question ‘in a bed’ of silence, reflection, and listening is absolute magic.
…reflective curiosity…what an awesome idea…
Thanks man. Really happy it hits home at least a little bit :)
Useful concept, Rik. Any podcast hosts you know of who do an especially good job at reflective curiosity?
Actually not really. Maybe this is because my standards are too high though. And, to be honest, ever since having a daughter and starting to write, I don't listen to a ton of them anymore… I'll keep this question in mind as a lens to find more of them though!
I think Patrick O'Shaughnessey does a good job in his Invest Like the Best podcast. Consider giving it a listen. Curious what you think—or who else you identify as a good example