Yes, 45 min conversation with you was intense listening and such a gift. Have only been able to attend 1 sparring gym so far. I wanted to be able to do exactly what you did for someone else. Thank you for showing how you practice your coaching craft
This was definitely a big reframe for me, that when someone is feeling down, you can "get in the hole" with them, instead of spending all your energy trying to get them out of the hole. It takes a lot of practice. Maybe everyone should have a little coaching training to be a better friend?
Yes, lots of practice. Practice that we don't generally get in regular conversations. I agree, everybody needs listening skills (coaching) training to be a better friend, parent, leader, human. Working on it ;) Your point about getting in the hole with them reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw&ab_channel=RSA
Not that it always has earth-shattering consequences, but even if the advice ‘works’ I think you’re still depriving the other person from figuring it out for themselves. Advice is not supportive of their own growth (and it also signals that you don’t believe they can do it themselves). But maybe there are categories, as you suggest. I wonder what those would be.
"Our solutions, instead of serving them, actually get in their way." wow this makes so much sense.
I've always thought you were an amazing listener (and sparring buddy). Thanks for sharing this, Rik.
Thanks Rebecca! Exactly that realization has helped me a lot on the way to become a better listener, and I'm very much still practicing ;)
Yes, 45 min conversation with you was intense listening and such a gift. Have only been able to attend 1 sparring gym so far. I wanted to be able to do exactly what you did for someone else. Thank you for showing how you practice your coaching craft
Thank you Sadia, so glad that was helpful. Would love to see anybody engage in this type of conversation/listening :)
This was definitely a big reframe for me, that when someone is feeling down, you can "get in the hole" with them, instead of spending all your energy trying to get them out of the hole. It takes a lot of practice. Maybe everyone should have a little coaching training to be a better friend?
Yes, lots of practice. Practice that we don't generally get in regular conversations. I agree, everybody needs listening skills (coaching) training to be a better friend, parent, leader, human. Working on it ;) Your point about getting in the hole with them reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw&ab_channel=RSA
I LOVE advice—giving and getting.
I bet you have some advice for me—stop giving it :)
I agree, a time comes when said person isn't hearing me (because they're not me) and I stop. But, until then...
I really do love getting advice, though.
I know you do ;)
Not that it always has earth-shattering consequences, but even if the advice ‘works’ I think you’re still depriving the other person from figuring it out for themselves. Advice is not supportive of their own growth (and it also signals that you don’t believe they can do it themselves). But maybe there are categories, as you suggest. I wonder what those would be.