Killing the teacher

Completing the student’s journey

I remember when I received my driver’s license. I passed in one go. I was very proud of myself. 

That sense of pride and invincibility lasted right up until I stepped into an automobile by myself.

Suddenly, I was on my own. There was no instructor or examiner to hit the brakes, choose the lane, or give directions.

I sat there with my supposed knowledge of how the stick-shift works, which mirrors to check, and a bunch of traffic signs that I crammed into my brain in just a few days before…

But without a chaperone, I felt like I had to start all over again.

At that moment I discovered that comfortably sitting behind the wheel next to my instructor and driving from A to B by myself are two entirely different things.

Learning to coach

Right after receiving my coaching certification, when I entered my first ‘real’ Zoom session with a client, this same feeling of being alone and lost came over me.

The initial happiness and pride had faded and I remember feeling like a little naked bird that was just thrown out of the nest.

According to my certification I had all of these skills but how to actually fly was a mystery to me.

I was like the typical novice coach – nervous, stiff, and formulaic. I wasn’t a real human (yet). Clenching onto previously rehearsed techniques, memorized sentence stems and even entire scripted questions.

Even though I had experienced being a coach before, I had to start figuring things out for myself and the realization that no amount of teaching could help me with this still surprised me.

I had worked with clients before (this was part of my thoroughly practical training), and I even brought some of those clients with me into my own practice. Yet things still felt different. Uneasy and insecure.

The safety net was missing and I knew it.

Because of my training, I had many frameworks, techniques, and resources on board. But I had not started making them my own until I was on my own.

So I started again, by myself, to see what worked and what didn’t work (for me). Practicing the techniques, checking what resonated and how to adapt them, instead of repeating them as gospel.

Learning anything

When it comes to learning something complicated, like driving a car or coaching, instruction from an experienced source is essential. Unless you’re some kind of wunderkind, you’ll need someone to teach you the basics.

At the same time, teaching can also inhibit true learning.

When we receive new information from others, there can be a tendency to exclusively rely on their knowledge. This makes sense since we’re covering new territory.

Even after we have matured in the field, it’s easy to hang on to previous examples or frameworks that don’t come from our own lives or experiences but are copied from our instructors.

With the safety net of our teacher by our side, we behave differently. Not having to apply ourselves fully, waiting for instructions, or half-assing it.

To evolve we need integration, not regurgitation.

Putting ourselves in real life situations encourages this. We need a period of teacherless-ness to implement what we’ve been taught.

After any instruction, schooling, or learning situation, it’s important to unlearn. It’s not about forgetting valuable lessons and insights, it’s about making them our own.

We need to disagree, experiment, and figure out what is useful to us.

Teachers can only do so much, we have to do the rest.

By ourselves.

The student is the hero

In Joseph Campbell’s concept of ‘The Hero’s Journey’, the hero must face challenges, confront their fears, and ultimately transcend the limitations imposed by external authority.

As part of this work on myth, Campbell talks about the concept of “killing the father”, representing the symbolic act of breaking away from the authority and influence of the paternal figure. 

As the hero confronts challenges to establish their own identity, students, too, must engage critically with the teachings of their mentors. Transcending the boundaries set by their instructors, questioning assumptions, and developing their own unique perspective.

The student's journey is not complete when they’re only able to replicate their teachers. The instruction they receive, should ultimately be cast aside and be replaced by the student's own reasoning, opinion, and the unique insights they contribute to the world.

Students must ‘kill their teacher’ and go at it alone.

I realize now, almost twenty years later, that I only really learned to drive after I got my license. 

That was the moment I really started practicing by myself and for myself. Precisely because there was no teacher present.