Leaders listen

Next-level leadership

It took me a couple of years to get used to the word leader. It was thrown around a lot in coaching and self-development circles and I didn’t get it. It felt like a buzzword (and it still does a little).

I couldn't turn a virtual corner without getting slapped in the face with yet another blog post about ‘What makes a great leader’ or ‘Ten essential leadership skills’.

I thought the word leader was just a label we put on high-end business professionals and people with lots of influence, like corporate leaders, religious leaders, and political leaders.

Because the word didn’t apply to me, I had never thought of myself as a leader.

Until I realized that being a leader is a personal choice.

Don’t follow leaders

In my 20’s I was pretty clueless. Other people always seemed more confident, wise, and knowledgeable than I was. Who was I to question them?

Following others had some benefits too. It’s a lot easier to put your trust in others than it is to trust yourself. Easy in a literal way, it’s less work. And as many 20-year-olds, I wasn’t looking for hard work or any kind of responsibility.

When I started to bump up against some real life (health) challenges though, it turned out that following others wasn’t so easy after all. Trusting doctors to know more about my body than me turned out to be a big mistake. I learned the hard way that I need to put trust in myself to lead my own life.

Working on my health my worldview started to shift and in my mid 30’s I was on a full-on health journey which opened my eyes to self-leadership even more. Making my own choices and taking action based on my own beliefs proved to work.

While I might need other people’s input, ultimately I’m the only one who can lead my life.

Accept it

Of course, a leader can be many things.

A team leader might guide a small group of people while a political leader influences a whole country. A formal leader, such as a CEO, has a professional leadership position, while a parent leads without a contract.

But there’s one thing all leaders have in common.

Whether it’s a CEO, a parent, or a spiritual leader, they’ve all accepted the responsibility of leadership.

A leader is someone who realizes they are at the helm of their own life and they take full responsibility, no matter the situation they’re in.

During my health journey this was once articulated to me as follows: ‘it’s not your fault, but it is your problem’. I desperately needed to hear this and it almost miraculously flipped my whole perspective upside down.

I realized, even though life is tough and ‘unfair’, there’s simply no use whining about it. Better accept it and start making moves.

Leadership is not something that’s appointed or a badge that comes with a job. It’s a choice.

I can believe that I’m not powerful, I’m not responsible for my situation, and I’m not a leader. Or, I can believe the opposite and decide I’m all three.

It’s up to me.

Listen to others, but decide for yourself

Leaders take responsibility. But great leaders go one step further. They listen.

I would never have known this had I not trained to become a coach. It’s a somewhat obscure skill that often flies under the radar, but nail it and you’ll be on your way to life-changing leadership.

When leading others, you need two primary things from them. Their trust and their knowledge. Listening well will get you both of those and they even reinforce each other.

Building trust is a long-term process that’s founded on people feeling heard and understood. And when people trust you they will tell you things. You will gather much higher quality information because they will ‘trust you’ with it. The better your information, the better your decisions.

A leader listens carefully, and then decides for themselves.

And improving your listening (a trainable skill), is next level leadership.

Oops, seems like I’ve turned this into a ‘great leader’ blog post after all…