Raising the bar for humanity

What ChatGPT can teach us about listening

Right now, a robot is doing a better job of listening than you are.

Unlike you, ChatGPT doesn’t interrupt or push its own agenda. It doesn’t ‘one-up’ you, pretend to listen while scrolling Instagram, or hijack the conversation to make it about itself.

If any of this sounds like you, I’m afraid to say, you’re not just losing to AI, you’re not exactly raising the bar for humanity either.

Why we’re so bad at listening

Humans are generally really bad at listening. We interrupt, promote our own narratives, and call it ‘catching up’ when really, we just want to talk about ourselves.

On top of an already active brain that’s scanning for threats, validation, and the next opportunity to talk about what’s on our mind, we’re conditioned to advise, fix, and problem-solve.

It’s a shit show.

No wonder ChatGPT provides a relief and calm sanctuary.

My wake-up call

I used to think I was a great communicator.

In my head, I was the guy with the answers, convinced that coming up with solutions was the same as helping.

I interrupted constantly and offered what I thought were brilliant insights—not to be intentionally rude or to outshine people, but because I thought my advice would be useful. If someone shared a problem, I’d jump in with solutions before they’d even finished talking.

Looking back, it’s embarrassingly easy to see I wasn’t listening at all.

I was performing—waiting for my turn to speak, trying to sound clever, or steering the conversation toward what I thought was important.

But nowadays, your friends have another option. They can rant to something that doesn’t steer the conversation back to its weekend plans. It doesn’t say, ‘You think that’s bad? Let me tell you what happened to me!’

They can turn to ChatGPT instead—and they just might prefer it.

The bigger problem

This isn’t just my problem. It’s everyone’s problem.

Nobody teaches us how to communicate, let alone how to listen well.

We’re thrown into the world armed with algebra and Shakespeare but no clue how to have a meaningful conversation.

Add to that a culture that rewards performance over presence, and it’s no wonder we’re bad at this.

I know this because I’ve been there. I spent years basically self-isolating because of my non-existent communication skills.

If you keep this up, here’s what will happen: people stop coming to you for conversations.

And when the robots finally take over, your conversational flair won’t be missed.

What listening really means

It wasn’t until I became a coach that I began to understand this.

One of the first things I learned when training to become a coach was that I hadn’t actually been listening before—not really.

Coaching forced me to confront the habits I thought made me helpful: jumping in with advice, steering conversations, or offering solutions.

I learned what it meant to hold space for someone. I practiced slowing down, staying quiet, and focusing fully on the other person.

I realized that listening wasn’t just about hearing what was said, it was about hearing what wasn’t said, and felt, too.

It was about helping someone feel understood without needing to control or fix anything.

Human connection beats AI

It’s not just about trying harder or talking less—there’s an art to listening.

One that makes you irreplaceable in a world where even robots are mastering the basics.

Listening isn’t passive; it’s an active and intentional skill. And like any skill, it requires tools, practice, and a complete shift in how you think about conversations.

When you learn to listen deeply—to what’s said, unsaid, and felt—you unlock something that no chatbot can ever replicate: human connection.

Becoming someone others confide in

Since learning this, everything has changed. Conversations that used to feel shallow now feel rich and meaningful. People open up to me in ways they never did before, not because they want my advice, but because I actually hear them.

‘I don’t know why, but I always feel better after talking to you’ is something I’ve heard countless times since I’ve embraced true listening.

My relationships are stronger, I have more of them, and they are more effortless to build and maintain than ever before.

What’s possible

What would it feel like to have a conversation like that? To leave someone feeling heard, understood, and closer to you than they were before?

Maybe you’ve already had glimpses of it, or maybe you’re realizing how often it’s been missing. Either way, there’s something worth exploring here. Some practices that have worked for me:

1. Notice your habits

Have you ever stopped to think about how you show up in conversations?

• Do you jump in with advice or try to fix things?

• Do you steer the conversation toward your own stories?

• Do you find yourself rushing to fill silences because they feel uncomfortable?

I used to do all of these things without realizing how much they got in the way of real connection.

2. Try small shifts

Next time you’re in a conversation, consider experimenting with some of these:

• Pause before responding. Let a moment of silence hang—it might surprise you how much it invites the other person to share more.

• Ask instead of answer. Replace solutions with curious questions, like, ‘What’s been the hardest part of that for you?’

• Set a quiet intention. Before the conversation, tell yourself: ‘I’m going to focus fully on them,’ or even, ‘I’ll count to three before I speak.’

3. Reflect on how it feels

As you experiment with these shifts, pay attention to what happens.

• How do people respond differently than before?

• How does the conversation feel for you?

• Do you notice the other person sharing more or opening up in a new way?

I’ve found that when I approach conversations with this kind of presence, I don’t have to say much at all. Dropping the need to perform opens the door to genuine listening.

And even when robots are running the world, you’ll still be a better conversation partner than ChatGPT 2.0 could ever be.