"Dropping a harsh truth bomb when you’ve just met someone won’t go over so well." The older I get the more I see and realize that the ratio of trust-building to speaking challenging truths needs to be much higher than I ever thought. A great deal of acceptance, listening, sharing is required to set the groundwork for pushing someone to go deeper. And when the foundation is strong, very little offered correction is needed for it to have real impact.
Very true. But it's a fine line. Holding too much back won't work either (long-term). You saying this makes me imaging you as a youngster going around 'helping' people by spreading some not-so-welcome 'truths' though 😂
"Getting periodically lost in soft-land made me realize that ignoring the challenge component left a lot of growth on the table." So true, Rik. I've been guilty of shying away from telling people my honest opinion (the harsh truth) in order to avoid conflict and discomfort. But like you say, if you value the relationship enough, you have an obligation to your friend/colleague to challenge them and help them grow. Pairs well with Sam Harris's book called "Lying". Even a white lie is inexcusable in his opinion.
I guess there's also a component of invitation and permission there of course. Going around looking for people to be real and radically honest to might not seem the best plan ;) Thanks for the Harris tip!
"Dropping a harsh truth bomb when you’ve just met someone won’t go over so well." The older I get the more I see and realize that the ratio of trust-building to speaking challenging truths needs to be much higher than I ever thought. A great deal of acceptance, listening, sharing is required to set the groundwork for pushing someone to go deeper. And when the foundation is strong, very little offered correction is needed for it to have real impact.
Very true. But it's a fine line. Holding too much back won't work either (long-term). You saying this makes me imaging you as a youngster going around 'helping' people by spreading some not-so-welcome 'truths' though 😂
I have (painfully) been that youngster.
"Getting periodically lost in soft-land made me realize that ignoring the challenge component left a lot of growth on the table." So true, Rik. I've been guilty of shying away from telling people my honest opinion (the harsh truth) in order to avoid conflict and discomfort. But like you say, if you value the relationship enough, you have an obligation to your friend/colleague to challenge them and help them grow. Pairs well with Sam Harris's book called "Lying". Even a white lie is inexcusable in his opinion.
I guess there's also a component of invitation and permission there of course. Going around looking for people to be real and radically honest to might not seem the best plan ;) Thanks for the Harris tip!