Great follow-up on last week’s essay, Rik. Like the unique perspective - makes you realise we are only ‘ourselves’ through others. Ergo there are many different selves (hints of IFS).
This seems related to that quote about how we are the sum total of the 5 people we most hang out with. What I really like about your writing is that it always feels permission based. You start with acknowledging and empowering what we have to work with, what already is, and in this case, that we accommodate others through our behavior and communication because connection is core need for us as humans. I suppose given the 5 people rule that we could change ourselves quite dramatically, just by curating a different set of primary relationships, and not worrying about trying to change our behaviors at all. That's an interesting thought. And then I'm asking myself, "Who brings out the best in me?" "Who do I hang out with that makes me like who I am?" and "Why am I not spending more time with those people?"
Obviously I really like those three questions you pose. I'm asking myself the first two quite often. The third one might be an interesting one to look at through your own lens as a courageous writer. Because if I were to answer it, the answer would be something like 'old patterns', 'misguided beliefs', 'the need for safety over adventure', ultimately; unintegrated trauma I suppose. This essay was actually a search for a small, nuanced point I wanted to get across. Not to be too worried about behaving different around different people. We're multitudes.
Great follow-up on last week’s essay, Rik. Like the unique perspective - makes you realise we are only ‘ourselves’ through others. Ergo there are many different selves (hints of IFS).
This seems related to that quote about how we are the sum total of the 5 people we most hang out with. What I really like about your writing is that it always feels permission based. You start with acknowledging and empowering what we have to work with, what already is, and in this case, that we accommodate others through our behavior and communication because connection is core need for us as humans. I suppose given the 5 people rule that we could change ourselves quite dramatically, just by curating a different set of primary relationships, and not worrying about trying to change our behaviors at all. That's an interesting thought. And then I'm asking myself, "Who brings out the best in me?" "Who do I hang out with that makes me like who I am?" and "Why am I not spending more time with those people?"
Obviously I really like those three questions you pose. I'm asking myself the first two quite often. The third one might be an interesting one to look at through your own lens as a courageous writer. Because if I were to answer it, the answer would be something like 'old patterns', 'misguided beliefs', 'the need for safety over adventure', ultimately; unintegrated trauma I suppose. This essay was actually a search for a small, nuanced point I wanted to get across. Not to be too worried about behaving different around different people. We're multitudes.
Thanks, and yes, your point was received and appreciated.