Another useful challenge of self-help popularism Rik. I wrote an article a while back saying that "act confident" was bad advice, for similar reasons. Confidence is earned over time by being willing to stumble vulnerably and perhaps nervously forward into the unknown, not by pretending that we already have it. If I understand what you're saying, we can't just be ourselves when we don't yet know ourselves, and a large part of knowing ourselves is having self awareness of that inner pulse of our aspirations, intentions, and aim. If your aim is be an exceptional conversation starter, it's working for me.
I guess your comment made me realize a simpler way to say all this: instead of looking for who we are, we can create who we are. Love how you're making main courses out of my starters :)
"Aiming at the person you want to be is essential for personal growth," is such an important idea. I've thought a lot about "aiming up" both at a macro level, in terms of my direction in life, but also on a micro level, in the little decisions I make each day.
It's such a powerful idea to improve your internal self talk. Recently, I've been experimenting with literally talking out loud to myself in the 3rd person to try to reinforce positive beliefs.
Hey thanks Tommy, so glad this resonates. What would be an example of an 'aiming up micro decision'? And I agree, what we say (to ourselves and others) builds our character. That sounds like a (slightly crazy ;) but interesting experiment talking to yourself like that. I wonder how that might be different from both thoughts and talking to others. Any preliminary results? And how to even measure those? :)
Aiming up or aiming down is an idea I heard from Jordan Peterson that with every decision you make, you aim up or aim down. It's just especially noticeable with bigger life decisions.
On a micro level it could be choosing to go to the gym or stay in bed, return the lost wallet or keep it, flip on the TV or read a book. These tiny decisions that seem low impact, but nevertheless reflect a fundamental choice to pursue your higher or lower self.
I've put a post-it on my desk that says "Be Your Own Best Friend". When my self-talk spirals negative, it's a reminder to be kind to myself. Talk to myself like I would take to my best friend. When I do it, Rik, it honestly helps. Despite sounding a little crazy haha.
Ah, yes. Tiny decisions add up. This is why it's so valuable to take as many decisions out of the equation so to speak (habits + minimalism). I totally believe talking out loud helps, it's why I'm a passionate coach ;) There's a funny story going around in the coaching world that is meant to take the pressure of for new coaches just starting out (it's very common that they overrun themselves by working too hard to 'provide value'). It goes like this: it's already valuable for people to talk to a lamppost, talking to a coach would just be a bonus. Seems like you've experienced that benefit ;)
Reminds me of Charlie Munger's orangutan theory: If you sit down with an orangutan and carefully explain to it one of your cherished ideas, you may leave behind a puzzled primate, but will yourself exit thinking more clearly.
Another useful challenge of self-help popularism Rik. I wrote an article a while back saying that "act confident" was bad advice, for similar reasons. Confidence is earned over time by being willing to stumble vulnerably and perhaps nervously forward into the unknown, not by pretending that we already have it. If I understand what you're saying, we can't just be ourselves when we don't yet know ourselves, and a large part of knowing ourselves is having self awareness of that inner pulse of our aspirations, intentions, and aim. If your aim is be an exceptional conversation starter, it's working for me.
I guess your comment made me realize a simpler way to say all this: instead of looking for who we are, we can create who we are. Love how you're making main courses out of my starters :)
Wow, yes, that clarifies it simply and beautifully.
Loved this unique perspective Rik. Great read!
"Aiming at the person you want to be is essential for personal growth," is such an important idea. I've thought a lot about "aiming up" both at a macro level, in terms of my direction in life, but also on a micro level, in the little decisions I make each day.
It's such a powerful idea to improve your internal self talk. Recently, I've been experimenting with literally talking out loud to myself in the 3rd person to try to reinforce positive beliefs.
Amazing essay Rik. Really enjoyed this :)
Hey thanks Tommy, so glad this resonates. What would be an example of an 'aiming up micro decision'? And I agree, what we say (to ourselves and others) builds our character. That sounds like a (slightly crazy ;) but interesting experiment talking to yourself like that. I wonder how that might be different from both thoughts and talking to others. Any preliminary results? And how to even measure those? :)
Aiming up or aiming down is an idea I heard from Jordan Peterson that with every decision you make, you aim up or aim down. It's just especially noticeable with bigger life decisions.
On a micro level it could be choosing to go to the gym or stay in bed, return the lost wallet or keep it, flip on the TV or read a book. These tiny decisions that seem low impact, but nevertheless reflect a fundamental choice to pursue your higher or lower self.
I've put a post-it on my desk that says "Be Your Own Best Friend". When my self-talk spirals negative, it's a reminder to be kind to myself. Talk to myself like I would take to my best friend. When I do it, Rik, it honestly helps. Despite sounding a little crazy haha.
Ah, yes. Tiny decisions add up. This is why it's so valuable to take as many decisions out of the equation so to speak (habits + minimalism). I totally believe talking out loud helps, it's why I'm a passionate coach ;) There's a funny story going around in the coaching world that is meant to take the pressure of for new coaches just starting out (it's very common that they overrun themselves by working too hard to 'provide value'). It goes like this: it's already valuable for people to talk to a lamppost, talking to a coach would just be a bonus. Seems like you've experienced that benefit ;)
Reminds me of Charlie Munger's orangutan theory: If you sit down with an orangutan and carefully explain to it one of your cherished ideas, you may leave behind a puzzled primate, but will yourself exit thinking more clearly.
That's just excellent :)