Stubborn to be free

Converting bullheadedness into fuel

You could call me stubborn.

I really don’t like to be told what to do or think. Especially when someone is actively trying to convince or persuade me, you can be sure I’m digging my heels in.

My girlfriend is the same. That’s why I sometimes stomp through the house with a red, scrunched-up face, but it’s also what attracted me to her in the first place. The confidence and strength in being her own person and not taking shit from anyone.

It makes sense then, looking at my one-year-old daughter repeatedly choosing the same book she wants to read (like ten times in a row) and not even considering the lovely alternatives I so carefully present. Double the genes, double the traits (is that how biology works?).

I see it as an admirable quality in her that needs to be nurtured. And it’s that same stubbornness (in her and in me) that is getting me so worked up about the educational system in my country.

Compulsory

I’m not criticizing the educational system (I did that in another article). Compared to a lot of other places in the world, children in the Netherlands have it good.

What frustrates me though is that I don’t have the freedom to choose the type of education my daughter receives. If I don’t agree with what local schools provide, I would like the option to homeschool and design a unique and fitting learning path for her.

But I don’t have that option.

Children in the Netherlands have to go to school. They are basically forced by law to attend a school.

The law that governs this is from 1969, is called ‘leerplicht’, and translates as an ‘obligation to learn’.

This is a misnomer though that actually infuriates me even more. There’s a big difference between ‘learning’, where the obligation would make at least some sense, and ‘attending a school’, which is what this law actually enforces. So it’s an obligation to attend effectively.

Looking back I’ve never been too ecstatic with my own education but I’ve never made a big deal about it in the past. But now that I have a daughter, the fire to find a better way is flaring up big time. 

Children need to be protected and all of them deserve the best education possible. The government and I probably agree on that. I imagine this why the law exists in the first place.

I’m just dumbfounded that in a progressive, Western country, there’s no nuance in this system at all. Lumping all children of the same age together and not allowing parents to have any say in their child’s learning path doesn’t make sense and doesn’t serve many of them.

I have to choose between the existing schools in my area, and when my daughter reaches five years of age, she has to attend one of them.

I say ‘have to’ but of course that’s not entirely true.

I have choices. Like moving to another country…

Fueling the fire

No point in waving my fist like a love-to-be-grumpy old man though (a role I have no problem stepping into btw).

I’ve been walking around complaining about how I’m shocked and horrified with the system, indulging like a spoiled child wanting to stay in anger-mode because it feels so good to kick stuff around the room.

So what am I going to do about this?

I’m going to put my stubbornness to work for me

I’ll start by building a map of the actual landscape. Getting crystal clear on what is and isn’t possible in the current system. Answering questions like: ‘What educational programs are actually out there that I would agree with more?’ I know Waldorf schools exist. Montessori-based programs too. Although I doubt they’ll satisfy my ideal—providing kids with a self-led, personal path instead of forcing them into a cookie-cutter system—it does make sense to at least investigate.

As a parent, I am my daughter’s biggest advocate. If I won't, who will? There’s really no point in expecting “the system” to pick up that tab. Converting my unwillingness to accept the current situation into the fuel for an active investigation is the best thing that I can do.

And I have some time to figure it out, 4 years to be precise.

My daughter has an inherent curiosity, wisdom, and direction (as does every child). And I will do everything I can to honor that.

Call me stubborn. I will take it as a compliment and use it so my daughter can too.